


Breathe

by mhunter10



Series: Trans Mickey [1]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Trans, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-Slash, Siblings, Slurs, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-09
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-08-19 21:05:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8224763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mhunter10/pseuds/mhunter10
Summary: Mickey gets a new binder, but has to fight to keep breathing.





	

**Author's Note:**

> *May Contain Triggers*

Mickey snatched the package off the porch and slammed the door shut, locking it quickly and retreating back to his room. He closed and locked that door, too, even though he was the only one home right now. He sat on his bed and stared at it for a full 5 minutes. He was scared, but also really excited and nervous and giddy. He dove in, ripping at tape and cardboard, plastic and tissue paper. Then it was in his hands and they were shaking. His whole body was shaking and it felt hot in his room.  
This was it. This was what he’d been waiting for since he saved up enough to order it. Months of working at the Kash and Grab, helping his brothers on runs, selling on his own. Finally it was here and he couldn’t wait any longer.

He took his tank off, then slid the garment over his head and zipped up the front. It was definitely tight, but not restrictive like his usual binding. He couldn’t feel his ribs digging into his lungs. He lifted his arms up and down. He stretched and turned. Finally he took in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

He was comfortable. Finally.

He heard the front door open and quickly threw on a shirt from the floor, admiring the way he looked in the mirror for a moment. He felt himself smile but wiped it off quick when his doorknob jiggled.

“Hey, it’s me!”

Mandy.

He breathed easily, already beginning to take it for granted. He opened the door, grabbed her arm and pulled her inside, closing it again.

“Hey, what–” she stopped and took Mickey in, who was standing by the dresser unsure. “It came?” she squealed.

Mickey nodded, grin breaking onto his face again. Mandy came up and hugged him.

“It’s like you were never a C cup!”

Mickey snorted. “Shut up. You sound way too happy about that.”

“Now I’m the hot sister with the nice cans” she smiled, pinching him.

“Ow! Bitch, you wish. You’re the only one.”

“Right, you know what I mean.”

They were quiet for a moment.

“How does it feel?” Mandy asked.

“Like I was insane for ever binding” Mickey said teasingly, pushing his tongue to the corner of his mouth.

She rolled her eyes. “No, dummy, I mean for real.”

Mickey looked at himself and thought for a moment. Then he turned back to his sister with tears in his eyes.

“Like I can breathe.”

Mandy smiled and hugged him, wiping at his wet face.

“C'mon, let’s go get high and check out boys.”

“Jesus, baby steps, Mandy.”

She laughed and dragged him out the house.

They were in an alley near the Kash and Grab, passing a joint back and forth. They’d taken the rest of Terry’s Jack Daniels and hoped he’d be too drunk to notice. Mandy took a swig while texting on her phone. Mickey blew smoke at the weeds emerging from the cracks in the ground.

“Jason Kind totally wants my pussy” Mandy said, a mixture of disgust and pride in her voice.

“Ew” Mickey said, reaching for the booze and tipping it back. Suddenly he stopped, seeing a group of guys coming down the alley. “Fuck.”

Mandy looked up. “Not these fucking pricks.”

Mickey steeled himself against the brick and tried to act nonchalant if he couldn’t completely sink into it. Mandy stood, clenching her whole body it seemed.

“Well, well, if it isn’t the Milkovich sisters” Ricky Orson said, then laid eyes on Mickey “Oh sorry, I mean brother and sister. Which one of you is it again?” the boys behind him laughed.

“Shut the fuck up, dick breath” Mandy sneered, crossing her arms.

Ricky grinned and stepped towards her. “Oh, I bet you know what that tastes like.” He looked her up and down.

“Don’t be a pervert, Ricky” Mickey found himself saying to draw attention away from his sister. “Nobody likes a pervert.”

Ricky took the bait. “And you’d know all about that, Michelle” he emphasized the name and took pleasure in seeing Mickey back down a little. He turned back to Mandy. “If I hadn’t heard what you did with Tyrell Jones last week, I’d say you’d be better off as a boy instead. Your chest is halfway there already” he reached out and grabbed Mandy’s boobs before she could do anything.

“Don’t touch her!” Mickey stood, pushing him hard so he had to step back. He was immediately surrounded by the rest of the crew.

Ricky shook it off and shook his head, smiling. “Mm, she’s feisty. What a waste” he looked Mickey up and down suggestively, stepping closer, totally forgetting Mandy.

“Take another fucking step and I’ll rip your dick off” Mickey spat angrily, although he could feel the other boys closing in. As long as they left Mandy alone, he didn’t care.

Ricky chuckled. “Jealous?”

“No”

“Scared?”

“Of you?” Mickey scoffed, but it was weak. They’d heard the shake in his voice, saw the way he involuntarily crossed his arms over his chest.

Ricky and his boys crowded him. He could hear Mandy hitting some of them and yelling at them to leave her alone, a slip in her terrified mind.

“Leave them alone” a voice said loudly from the end of the alley.

Everyone stopped and looked.

Ian Gallagher stood, tall and skinny with bright red hair and freckles, pointing a gun.

“Gallagher? What the fu–”

Ian shot over all of their heads and hit a brick, sending red dust down on them as they all ducked, except Mickey.

“Now!” Ian barked in what Mickey knew was his ROTC voice.

“C'mon, Ricky!” One of the guys said, eyes wide.

Ricky tore his eyes away from Ian and shoved Mickey hard, making him fall against the wall and land on his butt. He looked him in the eyes before running away, the rest of the crew following him.

“Fucking assholes!” Mandy yelled after them.

Before Mickey even realized, he was being helped up by big strong hands. He looked up into washed out green eyes.

“You okay, Mickey?” Ian asked, putting his hands on his shoulders.

Mickey nodded, although he shied away from the touch out of habit. Ian noticed and let go, and Mickey was grateful someone paid attention, but he instantly missed the warm contact. He felt like he was floating.

“Those guys have bothered us before, but not like that” Mandy said to no one in particular, as if she were imagining what would have happened.

“How’d you know we were here?” Mickey heard himself ask, choosing to stay leaning against the wall for his legs’ sake.

“They came into the Kash and Grab right at the end of my shift. One of them said he thought he saw you guys in the alley, and Ricky lit up like a fucking psycho.”

“Thank you” Mandy said, grabbing his arm and squeezing. She then went to Mickey. “Are you alright?”

“I should be asking you that” Mickey said, hugging her to him.

She sighed. “I’m fine. Wait til Joey and Tony find out. They’ll be fucking sorry.”

Mickey laughed a little.

“Um, thanks for…that.”

Ian nodded, staring at Mickey. He seemed different. All the months working together and Mickey never really seemed comfortable. He was always ready to pop off on someone if they looked at him too long like they were trying to figure him out. Of course, Ian knew why that was. He wasn’t blind. He’d known the Milkovich sisters since elementary school. Even though he didn’t get specifically what Mickey was going through, he could still understand the stares and questions, and being afraid for his life, and the self hate that came and went for different reasons. He always wanted to say something to him, but nothing sounded good.

“I’m headed home. Can I walk with you guys?”

Mickey didn’t know why, but in that moment he knew he liked Ian Gallagher, who knew two Milkoviches didn’t need to be walked home like damsels.

“Yes.”

Mandy eyed her brother knowingly and grinned. “Yeah, sure.”

As they walked, Mandy pulled ahead, apparently engrossed in her phone.

Mickey smoked a cigarette, walking slowly beside Ian. Their arms touched and it felt hot and exciting. He held out the cigarette and Ian took it, their fingers touching briefly. Mickey watched his lips as he took a drag and blew smoke in front of them.

“I think you’re really brave, Mickey” Ian said suddenly.

Mickey sort of stopped walking for a second then continued. He took a breath. He wondered why he’d never noticed all the times Ian called him by his name, because it sounded even more amazing than when anyone else did it, if they even bothered to try.

“Is that all you could come up with?”

It was Ian’s turn to stumble a bit. He looked at Mickey with the most scared and confused face ever and Mickey felt bad.

“I’m sorry. That was a bad joke. You were just so intense the way you said that.”

Ian relaxed although he still wasn’t sure if what he said had gone over well. “It was either that or it gets better” he tried.

Mickey snorted and Ian smiled.

“Thanks” Mickey said.

They were silent for a while, walking together. The Milkovich house came into view and Mandy went inside, glancing back at her brother. The two boys stood on the sidewalk.

“You look different” Ian said.

Mickey blushed, hunching his shoulders and looking down at his feet. “Got a binder. A real one” he said quietly.

Ian shook his head, although his eyes couldn’t help but notice this fact. “No, I mean you look more confident. Like you can just be you and breathe.”

Mickey looked up and their eyes locked, green staring into blue.

“Yeah. I can.”


End file.
